September 18, 2010

September 18, 2010

I spent today with JoAnn, Margaret, Marie, my parents, and my husband at Marie’s house. This project has been so much about the process- the time spent with these ladies at different times and places- and what I learn from them and from being around them. I’m able to experience their highs- JoAnn’s ongoing adventures in school and travel, as well as their lows- Margaret’s knee surgery and recovery. I’m also able to see them interact with my family, and see the care and love they have for others. The ladies have such a close relationship with each other but are so diverse in age and personality- JoAnn is in her 60’s, Marie in her 70’s and Margaret is in her 80’s. Because of their age differences I am able to see and learn from three very different people in different life stages.

Today was very important because it’s the first time JoAnn, Margaret and my dad have played and sang their gospel music in a long time. It might have been the first time this year. They wanted to practice today so hopefully they will be playing at nursing homes again soon. It is so important for all of them to play- for JoAnn it is an enjoyable time and a time for her to worship and laugh and fellowship. It’s becoming more difficult for Margaret to play so it’s about faith for her. She’s worshipping God and having faith that she can still play. It’s also an escape- an escape from the issues with her knee, with her age, where she can be free and sing. Margaret is dealing with mortality- she’s aging and ending one stage of her life and having faith that she will begin another one soon after. She’s singing about Jesus taking her home and living in Heaven. She has a peace with her mortality.

All of these issues and observations I take away from my time spent really puts life in perspective for me. I’m able to see the different phases of life in the lives of these ladies. See their emotions and their hopes and dreams. It is a comfort to me because I am young and looking at the unknown that is “aging” and I’m able to see what the future may hold- for my parents, friends, and my own life.

Visiting Margaret - September 15, 2010

September 15, 2010

Yesterday I got a pleasantly unexpected call from my mom about going to photograph Margaret on Wednesday- (today) at her house in Oak Cliff, Dallas- and going to photograph the ladies at Marie’s this Saturday. Margaret came home last week from the knee rehab center she was staying at and my mom wanted to go visit and check on her. Margaret is in her early 80’s, so her knee is undergoing an extensive recovery and she needs extra help getting around. Margaret didn’t know I would be there so she was really excited when she saw both of us! She is moving around so well for where she should be in the healing process. She told us about having a bad time at the rehab/health care center. She doesn’t always make complete sense when she talks about things so we didn’t understand the extent of what went on while she was in rehab.

Mom and I were able to visit with Margaret for an hour at her house before going to eat lunch (at Golden Corral), and a trip to Walmart to help her buy a few things.

More than anything today was a big observation day for me. I learned a lot about Margaret, her state of mental and physical health, and the struggles that arise with the progression of age, especially in later age (80’s and up).

Margaret always stresses how God has been working in her life- that He has healed her so quickly and that everyday is a miracle from Him. She is overall not too concerned with herself, but continually praying for people, sending out sympathy cards to people suffering loss and is insistent on going to church this upcoming Sunday even though it will be hard for her to drive and to be out for so long.

Evident things she struggles with:

·      Accepting help from others, even when she needs it. My mom continually asked her if she needed a hand getting in and out of the car and Margaret kept getting frustrated, saying “I can do things on my own. I don’t need help from people, I can get around on my own.” My mom also wanted to pay for Margs’ groceries, and she insisted on buying her own dog food at least. I think she feels a little threatened by people helping her so much.

·      Her memory is beginning to wander a little bit. She keeps forgetting to answer her phone, and she forgets that peoples numbers are in her cell phone. Most of the numbers she needs have been in the cell phone for a long time, but she forgets how to use it and says she doesn’t have anyone’s number.

·       There were a few instances on our Walmart trip when I could tell she really struggled to remember things. It makes her feel embarrassed when she forgets things and she started to get pretty cranky after our trip.

o   Before we went on the trip she specifically went through her wallet to bring the bank card she needed in order to pay for groceries. When she insisted on paying for her dog food herself, she pulled out the card and had brought a Home Depot credit card, so of course we helped her pay. She was so baffled as to why she had brought that card, and kept talking about it for ten minutes.

o   She had a hard time remembering what brand of hair dye she uses, so my mom had to help her look for it and ask her one by one which brand it was.

o   Margaret also forgot her keys in the house so we had to go in the house through the unlocked garage after we got back from Walmart.

·      Keeping people from taking advantage of her.

o   She had a horrible time at one of her health care facilities. The lady taking care of her spoke almost no English, would not fix her food unless Margaret asked many times and mostly left her alone in her room all day when she was supposed to be caring for her and making sure she had adequate nutrition. When JoAnn and Marie finally got in contact with Margaret they took her out of that healthcare facility and refused to pay. Sometimes it is hard to follow the story when Margaret is telling it so I am still confused as to how she got stuck in such a bad situation.

o   There is a lady that goes to church with Margaret who keeps calling her about cleaning Margaret’s house because she wants to help out Margaret and needs a job to support her family of 6. Margaret told her she doesn’t need the help and can’t afford to pay her. The lady keeps calling and drives thirty minutes (from her house to Margaret’s) to knock on her door and keep asking. Seems like a waste of gas money for someone who really needs a job. Margaret can even see that this woman was hoping to take advantage of her because of her age and health situation. 

·      Love of her dog.

Margaret has a dog, named Doc, who she treats like a person. She calls him son and gets mad at him when he doesn’t listen to her. She buys more expensive food for him than she does for herself. Doc is really all she has when she is home by herself. He is very protective of her and hates to be alone. I feel like he is a replacement for all of her losses. She had several children early in life and all of them have died. She doesn’t dwell on it, when people are around at least, because she has Doc and her great support system in JoAnn and Marie, and many other people that care for her. 

September 11, 2010

September 11, 2010

This morning I was supposed to go spend the weekend with Jo, Margaret, and Marie- but I received an email from JoAnn saying she wouldn’t be available until Wednesday:

Rebecca,

forgive me for being so long in answering you.  I haven't been home much this week and I have to be gone all day tomorrow.  This Sunday I have to write and turn in a long paper and I don't know how long that will take.  Also, I may be going to West Texas next week to see my aunt.  If I am here, Wednesday will be fine.  Margaret went home yesterday, So maybe you can see her anytime.  I didn't realize I was going to have such a tight schedule these days.  Marie is here most of the time, so maybe she and Margaret and you can get together if I'm not here.  I'll let you know if I leave town.

JoAnn

I emailed her back to let me know about Wednesday. If she’s available then I can go photograph them for most of the day and drive back for my night class. If JoAnn does go out of town I’ll try to get together with Margaret and Marie. Margaret was released from her home health care unit and is now having to do a lot of physical therapy for her knees, so we will probably visit her at her house. I am worried about having enough days to photograph them so I’m taking every opportunity I can. I do wish our schedules were more in sync. This is honestly why I don’t enjoy photographing people. You can learn so much from people and I love building and strengthening relationships with people I know- but it is taxing and difficult to schedule the time to do so.

It’s hard working on this project because I feel like it could turn out so much better if I had more time. I’m working on other personal projects for my applications to grad school and I’m thinking- these would have worked so much better for my thesis BUT at the time I had not started them. It was really only until last semester when I took some of my senior level photography and art classes when I really found my photographic and artistic niche. I was in classes that really inspired me and made me  want to create work, and I felt that my thesis wasn’t expressing what I wanted it to. I’m really happy with who I’m photographing now- but it is still hard to get into it when I know my other projects are coming together so much better. At this point none of that matters, though, because I have to finish this project. I just wish I could have brought my other projects together sooner and photographed them for my thesis. 

Plan of Attack – September 6, 2010

Plan of Attack – September 6, 2010

There are many positive things and a few negative things going on with my thesis project at the moment. I’m at a crucial point because I have to wrap the project up quick when there is still much to be done. It’s been a challenge putting what my heart wants to do with the project and what opportunities and people have come into my life to photograph together cohesively. There have been several ideas and several groups of people I have photographed that didn’t help me express my ideas. Those failed ideas took up over a year of my time, and now that I have found the subject matter I know is right for my project I have maybe a month and a half to pull it together. My challenge right now is bringing together my photographs and ideas in a short amount of time, and getting the heart of the project across to my viewers. The challenge with photography is getting your ideas across- that means failed attempts and revised ideas- but when the subject and ideas finally work together it can be a beautiful thing. I say this because I don’t think the past year has been a waste. I have learned so much by doing this independent project that I couldn’t have learned in a classroom. I have learned that you really find out what you want to say through your work by photographing as much as possible, and then piecing your narrative or voice together. That is my challenge at this moment. Yes, I wish I had thought to photograph Margaret, Marie, and JoAnn sooner. For some reason I had to photograph the other people first- to learn what I didn’t want to say. Yes, it is a setback that I didn’t photograph these ladies sooner- but I can’t dwell on that- I need to keep photographing them and put the project together. 

Thesis Meeting - September 3, 2010

Thesis meeting – September 3, 2010

Yes, I am a little behind on the project. Since halfway through the summer I realized I was photographing the wrong people, I still have some shooting to do- Margaret had her surgery in July and I was unable to photograph her during this time. I also got married, which put my photographing behind. Now I have to factor in my school and work schedule into this time- leaving Monday mornings, and some Saturdays and Sundays when I am available to go to Addison to photograph my subjects (assuming the ladies are also available). It’s going to be great!

There are many factors that go into a project like this one that can affect its outcome. By doing this thesis I have learned so many things that will help me prevent roadblocks in my future documentary projects. For my future projects:

·       It’s important to research what you are interested in photographing, but it’s necessary to photograph as many different things as possible to weed out the bad ideas before you can hone in on what you are saying through your work. It’s not really possible to do so with the thesis since the proposal states your intentions, but my project has had several changes since its beginning stages. If I had only photographed from the start and not worried about the voice of the project until now it would have been a better method, (but not as far as theses go). 

·      Your ideas aren’t always what the viewer sees in the project, which is why it’s important to photograph many different things and many different ways, and then pull the ideas into a cohesive body.

·      Not all ideas are great so don’t set them in stone or be upset if the project changes.

·      Scheduling. You have to plan far, far ahead to photograph people. They can and will cancel on you. Also, you can’t have a personal life- it gets in the way.

The Golden Girls

Here are a few of the photographs I made last week during my visit with JoAnn, Margaret, and Marie. We had so much fun catching up- I haven't seen them in almost a year. JoAnn lives with Marie, and every Friday Margaret comes over and spends the night. They've been doing doing this for a very long time, and usually get together more during the week- practicing songs and just hanging out. We had a lot of fun talking, eating a lovely dinner and watching JoAnn play video games on her Playstation. She is awesome. 

It is very interesting spending time with three older ladies- seeing how they interact with each other and with company. They are all pretty close with my parents but I’ve never really gotten to know them personally. It is a challenge keeping up the conversation, eating dinner without it being awkward, and not getting bothered by the fact that Marie smokes in the house, but I want to get to know them and discover what I need to say through the photographs I make of them. I really want to express their love of each other and of life- they seem to be looking towards the future instead of living in the past. They have all fought and struggled with loss and hardships but their faith and friendship is what has kept them strong- it’s so apparent in their lives. I want other people to be able to see that, and by doing so gain a peace with growing old. It doesn’t have to be a bad thing when you still have something to live for.

Margaret

JoAnn showing off her jukebox

Joann

JoAnn painted this mural in her den

Margaret and Marie

Margaret and her baby, Doc. She brings him over every Friday

Margaret and JoAnn making dinner

JoAnn's banjo

Summer Epiphany

Saturday June 26, 2010

Despite the summer heat and the onset of senioritis, I have been thinking a lot about my thesis lately: how I have a lot left to shoot, how I’m getting a little burnt out on the whole thing, and really importantly- I’m not sure the subject matter I’m pursuing adequately expresses what I want it to. When I think back to what professor Winegarden was saying- about finding what I want to learn about myself through the project and what its deeper meaning is to me- I wonder if there are people closer to my heart I should be photographing. When I say that, I don’t mean photographing my grandparents (which is really out of the question anyway as they live in Kentucky) but still photographing someone grandmotherly- someone who you look up to, who has lived an extraordinaire life, and who you go to for advice. I happen to know just the people.

Today, I had an epiphany. There are several older women I really look up to in this world- people I care about and who I know would do anything for me. These incredible ladies touch the world with their hearts every day, and are very deserving of being photographed for my project. Just wait until you hear more about them.

Photographing ‘them’ for my project has been on my mind since the beginning- but I wasn’t sure how it would tie in to an “East Texas Chronicle” since I wasn’t sure if Dallas TX was considered East Texas. Today I was driving around with my fiancé (who is also working on his Honors Thesis) and we were commiserating about how the theses are taking over our lives, blah, blah, blah, and I mentioned how I was kind of bummed about driving an hour and a half out to Commerce on my free days to photograph people for my project. At that point I decided to voice what has been on my mind- that I would much rather be photographing closer to home, people I really care about, and how I have some ideas that would make my project much more meaningful and hey, more fun.

Which brings us to: JoAnn, Margaret, and Marie. They are three older ladies (who happen to be best friends!), who my family has known and loved for a long time. They have loved, lost, and touched many lives as long as they have been alive, and they continue to brighten people’s lives every day and every week- as they go to nursing/elderly homes and sing gospel music for the residents (with my dad!). How cool is that? JoAnn, Margaret, and my dad play guitar and sing, and JoAnn also plays piano and the banjo. Marie and my mom usually just sit in the audience and sing along. I love going, but since I have been in school I haven’t had a lot of chances to. Now that it is summer I have more opportunities to go visit and hear them play. I think photographing them for my thesis would be an awesome way to share a bit of their love and legacy- and a great time for me to get to know them better and hangout with them before I move away (in December).

Margaret is in a little bit rougher shape than the others, and is having some serious surgery in July- so I really want to spend some time with her since she won’t be able to get around as easily afterwards. Marie is just hilarious and fun to be around, and JoAnn might be the sweetest person I have ever met. I definitely look up to these ladies and I know how much they care about me also. My mom is constantly reminding me how much they miss me and how much they love me.

I know this is the turn my thesis is supposed to take even though there are many very interesting people in Commerce that I could be photographing. Mable is amazing- she’s constantly overcoming health issues so she can continue to work at Millar’s Pharmacy in Cooper (58 years and counting), and Bob Monday is an amazing gardener and is continually helping out the other elderly people in Commerce (what a serving heart!). I know I could easily become great friends with both of them, and they are truly admirable people, but I really want to share a bit about the lives of three ladies who have touched my family’s heart and many, many others. Their stories are the ones I want to share. I am very excited about the changes I’m making with the project and this is definitely getting me out of my mid-thesis slump.